A Chinese Gorilla in a Korean Jungle

Where are all the Kims?

2009-04-20T16:21:00.005+09:00

According to Wikipedia, as of the year 2000, there were 18,925,949 Kims distributed throughout the world, more than twice as many as the next most common surname Lee which falls at a mere 6,796,227. I, however, have met less than ten my entire two years here in Korea. My best friends here have the surnames Yoon, Cha, Choi, Suh, Jeon, Kang, Choo, Lee, Moon, Park, and Jang. If you scroll through my phone you will also find that out of 103 names only four are Kims, one of which is a doctor, one with whom I worked, and two random numbers that I probably picked up while drinking with the guys. This is rather strange for me since in the United States I knew many Kims. What's even more strange is that I used to teach English to over 70 kids and less than five of them were Kims as well. Furthermore, my office last year contained 2 Ims, 2 Kangs, 1 Joo, 2 Chois, 1 Park, 1 Lee, 1 Hwang, 1 Shin, and 1 Jung. My current office contains 2 Suhs, 2 Kangs, 2 Lees, 1 Jang, 1 Jo, 2 Chois, 1 Oh, 1 Nam, and 1 Jin.

My roommate claims that given the statistics, I must be somehow unconsciously avoiding all the Kims in the nation. If people can have magnetic properties, then the Kims and I must repel one another because we're both north. Or south.

Seriously, where are all the Kims?

The Lobster Claw Machine

2009-04-13T16:44:00.007+09:00

When you hear the words "Lobster Claw Machine" what comes to mind? A machine filled with toys for you to grab with a big mechanical claw right? Wrong! It's exactly what the name implies: a machine filled with live lobsters for you to grab with a big mechanical claw.

As inhumane as it sounds, my friends and I spent up to 20,000 won (roughly 20 dollars) trying to grab one of those big guys. However, we had a chance with only one of the lobsters that was light enough for the claw to carry, which resulted in a good deal of torture for that particular lobster. Sadly in the end, we went home empty-handed.

I didn't have my camera on me, unfortunately, but I did find this similar Japanese UFO catcher on the internet.

The best part is, if you do catch a lobster, no one cooks it for you afterward. There isn't even a bag with which you can carry him home. So I guess if you didn't want to cook it you could always keep it as a pet. Just don't "accidentally" give it a hot bath like Homer Simpson did with his.

Accidental Baptism

2009-04-10T00:40:00.001+09:00

This post is a recap of one of my first experiences in Korea.

It had been two months since I arrived in Jeonju, a city so proud of its traditions that the sign for a Jeonju style restaurant would often read “Traditional Korean Restaurant” in English. Although at this point, I was still unable to differentiate this Korean city and the next, I was enjoying my stay and very much enjoying the food for which the city is known.

That morning as I was grading papers for my next English class, I heard a knock on the door. It was a man and woman who had come to talk about God. I let them in with my broken Korean, and we proceeded to have a friendly conversation. The man was quite aggressive and convinced me to visit their church. Then right before they left, they asked where I was from. I replied that I was Korean American. This was purely for educational purposes as I was eager to practice my Korean. You see, at the time, my Korean wasn't impressive enough for people to take me seriously if I had told them that I wasn't Korean. So the following week, I was driven off in a white van to meet the pastor.

There, I was engaged with more lengthy but friendly conversation. We talked about my family, how my fake Korean parents had moved to Atlanta when I was young, and how I had come back to improve my Korean language skills. Then we went to business.

“A good Christian is one who makes a commitment by receiving baptism. He can then begin his true relationship with God.”

The woman, who had lived in the States, translated the difficult words for me in English.

“We do not begin a relationship with God first and then become baptized. We are baptized first and then begin our relationship with God. Making this commitment is like signing a contract. We sign this contract, we begin our relationship, and then we can enter heaven.”

I nodded.

“When would you like to go to heaven? In a week? A month? A year? Or how about now?”

The woman stopped translating. She tells the pastor that she believes I am understanding, and suggested that they wait for my answer.

“Now!” I said, attempting to amuse.

“Very good.”

Before I knew it, I was led to a bathroom, changed into a blue robe, and poured water over my head. My eyes closed, I repeated after the pastor in prayer. Afterwards, my name was entered into the church’s official bible and I was part of the family.

“Now that you've taken this large step in your faith, we would like you to join in our services and help us teach our youth the ways of Christ.”

I agreed. Later, I realized that the pastor’s actual question was: “When would you like to be baptized so that you can enter heaven? In a week? A month? A year? Or how about now?” The very next week, I moved to Seoul with a new job. Fortunately, I have not been back to the church since, as I later learned that it was a member of a then growing cult that shared similarities with the Unification Church.

Video Project

2009-04-06T00:43:00.000+09:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that the video project is completed...

BUT I will not be posting it. Sorry.

One day, I'll make one with which I'm atleast 85 percent satisifed, but for now, such projects will be postponed indefinitely. I need more practice.

Cats

2009-04-03T00:00:00.008+09:00

For the better part of my life I have been a cat person. A large chunk of my childhood was spent in the Appalachian town of Mars Hill, North Carolina, and our house was frequented by stray tomcats that would stay temporarily for food and warmth. Of course, they always left when spring arrived.

However, one female stray did wind up coming back again and again until she finally decided to live in our screened back porch where she eventually had five kittens. Unfortunately, she was run over just before her babies were old enough to feed themselves.

Luckily, not long before she died, my sister was born and we had a surplus of formula. We fed the kittens through baby bottles until they were old enough to give away. Years later I developed allergies and sadly, I am now more attached to dogs.

But part of the cat person still remains in me as I love all large cats, especially rare ones like white lions, ligers, and tigons. In fact, if I ever become successful enough I plan on buying my own white (or if unavailable, regular) lion as a guard pet for my future mansion.

Our old house in North Carolina
Unfortunately we don't have any old photographs of our feline visitors

The closest thing to our old cat that I could find on the net
I named her Furpile (not Furball)
At the time I thought it was clever but my English just wasn't very good as a child

Future guard pet Steve

The Office

2009-03-31T00:00:00.011+09:00

As an avid viewer of The Office NBC mockumentary, I've started a habit of noting funny events in my own office that might work for the show. Unfortunately, such ridiculous events have become much fewer after I switched from publishing to entertainment.

One fun aspect about last year was working for an exceptionally curious boss. My boss loved to ask personal questions and give advice on all sorts of things from fashion to women. For a short time, he kindly gave me rides to work in the mornings only to offer a daily 45 minutes of wisdom on dating; he would later inform my fellow male coworkers of the time he spent showing me the ropes.

But the part about him that reminded me of Michael Scott the most was the effort that he put into being both a loveable and unloveable boss. He frequently took us out to expensive dinners, ordered pizza every other afternoon, and provided gifts during the holidays. However, all these thoughtful actions were accompanied by frequent personal remarks at employees. For example, work-related mistakes deserved references to an inadequate upbringing.

All in all, it was a worthy firsthand, if not representative, experience in a foreign country. It also reminds me to be thankful of my current job and to always look ahead for new opportunities.

Boss cooking meat

Working at the office

The Quest for Hot Dogs

2009-03-27T00:00:00.002+09:00

A few weeks ago, I visited Jason's area of Seoul known as Shinlim (신림) where I had the opportunity to eat my first real hot dog in Korea (after 1 and half years!) Of course after that, I couldn't stop thinking about hot dogs, which brings me to my journey today. The moment I stepped off the bus from work, I walked to the nearby street vendor that had graciously sold me a hot dog yesterday.

Only today, his hot dog truck was vacant and locked. Disappointed, I began to wander. There had to be another hot dog vendor in my neighborhood. Up and down I walked, hungry, but I just couldn't find another weiner. Finally, I decided to give up.

But as I stepped inside a convenience store to buy a less worthy dinner, I saw not one, but two hot dogs on the refrigerator shelf right next to the kimbap (Korean sushi rolls) and sandwiches. Needless to say, I'm writing this entry with a smile on my face. Here's a picture of my delicious meal:

I've also discovered that the strange use of sour cream on hot dogs does not taste strange at all. The manufacturer knew what he was doing when he included it in the package.

Here are a few great hot dog ideas:

The Croissant Dog - A croissant used in place of a hot dog bun, topped with pickles and honey mustard

The Buffalo Dog - A hot dog on a stick, marinated in hot sauce, and served with ranch dipping sauce

The Bison Dog - A hot dog made with 100 percent bison meat, sprinkled with relish, diced tomatoes, chopped onions, and topped with chipotle sauce

Hot Dog Flavored Pringles

Hot Dog Sushi Rolls - Chopped and cold hot dog wrapped in cucumbers, fried onions, rice, seaweed, sesame seeds and topped with spicy mayonnaise

Steamed Hot Dog Bun - Dimsum style bun stuffed with chopped hot dog and chili

First Entry

2009-03-24T13:18:00.005+09:00

After reading my old xanga and having a good laugh at such famous entries like The Hot Girl Theory, I decided it was time to follow in Darryl and Fine's footsteps and start afresh with a new blog. Here's a quick update on my life as a Chinese gorilla in a now more familiarized Korean wilderness (thanks Angela! for the awesome title of my blog):

Lately, my weekdays are crammed with an unusual number of office hours due to the economy and lack of exciting work. As a result, my life has become increasingly boring and my passion has dwindled to dangerously low levels. My solution for this? Dance.

To elaborate, I've taken on an ambitious 2 week project that consists of my own choreography, music mixing, and video editing to showcase what I've learned from Master Youtube. Currently I'm still working on the music mix and finding good camera locations in my room. The type of dance will consist mostly of popping since I have restricted space for my earlier b-boy endeavors.

Getting back into dancing has been liberating, but I find it important to remind myself of the philosophy of dancing. Which brings me to an article I found today called "The Philosophy of Dancing." I'll rewrite some of the main points below but you can also find it here at the New York Times.

In dancing as in anything else there is an ideal, an ideal ever unattainable, but toward which all dancing should tend. As the ideal poet is one who writes poetry purely for poetry's sake, so the ideal dancer is one who dances purely for dancing's sake....all extraneous motives detract from the purity of dancing.

With that in mind, I'll be posting my completed project on Monday, April 6!